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Newest Deviations

Mature content
changes :iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Mature content
glow :iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Mature content
the lector :iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
Forms
bored to death
of my own design
stare at the wall
anything i do, not worth a dime
talent and passion and will
all of which i lack
walk into this hole, black
will i go back, will this pass
it's up to me to get off my ass
workout, and paint, write, and draw
be useful to one, be as good as all
those who i resent, crave, envy
surrounded by beauty, my soul feels heavy
my heart my soul which i can't reach
alone, we are, i cannot define
my self, from whom i turn and say goodbye
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 0
Literature
haiku 1
it is meaningful
but i cant see what it is
to be home and free
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 0
Literature
true
the forces pull me
to and fro
do i want this
i ask myself
30 and still new
like a baby
reaching and grabbing
but without the laughter
the joy, the curiosity
but agony
i agonize, what is this life
what am i to do
but all i can do
is be
but what am i
who is me
sadness, anger
other lives fill my visions
but my own, empty
and confused
will they save me
no they wont
for i must save myself
pull from inside
the treasure, the cure
so i can laugh and smile
so i can love and live
the passion, the art
the lover, the friend
what cards will i pull
what should i do
i ask my fortune
my future, my hands
shaky, unsure
what do i do?
look in his eyes
is this love true?
of this love, am i worthy?
sit and be still
to find out the truth
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 1
Literature
Stumble
moving my things
no personal space
look in the mirror
what a big disgrace
so much ahead of me
laziness overtakes
thoughts of suicide
float in my head
i wasn't meant for this life
of being a wife
knowledge isn't enough
if nothing is done
i know, i know
so quit telling me
as i stare into space
fix, this, fix that
work on us, work on you
if im not good enough to be a mom
why ask me to be a stepmom
barely hanging on
i dont have it bad
no disease, no cancer,
lost my mom once,
she always did say
you'll miss me when i am gone
no heaven or hell
maybe i rather die than live
continously depressed, manic, dragging
never as good as the next person
never good enough
i am just me
i try to be me
i frown, what must she think?
he think?
they think?
false security as a teen
eludes me as i near thirty
feels like i will just be turning fifteen
again
so easy to reach out to others, smile, kiss
except to the one next to me, and
the one in the mirror
god she irritates me
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
I Return
I return
Same place
New time
Same space
New light
I return
Head held high
Hands open
I've made it mine
This life
It is mine, this time
Losses and gains
Weakness and strength
Lessons learned
Insight earned
I'm not alone, not anymore
Open my eyes
Breathe in
Close my eyes
Let it all out
Feeling emotions
Knocking at my door
Spiders, they crawl
All throughout, and more
I return
Grateful, unchanged
But simply
Grounded
As I stretch out
I cry, I breathe,
Honor the past
Moving, in love, with love,
Through love
I return
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:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 0
Mature content
Non-Suicide Note :iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
Monsters at Bay
Treading lightly, I walk out
Into the World
Into the World
Weary yet willing
Armed, let's go
Sometimes okay
Here I am
Keeping monsters at bay
Keeping monsters at bay
Telling myself, not to walk away
Parsing through thoughts
Fears,
What does she think?
What would he do?
It's okay,
They are not after you
If you just walk
If you just talk
If you just breathe
It's easy you see
You have all that you need
To keep the monsters at bay
All you have to do is tell them to
just
Go. Away.
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
asi soy yo, y siempre sere
asi soy yo
beautiful, sweet,
open and free
y siempre sere
at times moody and
insecure
emotional and
asi soy yo
i will be singing and dancing
joking and laughing
y siempre sere
like a diamond in the rough
unperfect and edgy
yet i purr like a cat
when you love me
and i love you
and fire prevails
if you hate me
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
inquisitive, curious
social, antisocial
a bird in a flock
a puppy
with love in her eyes
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
complex
simple
simply complex
yet simply feel nothing
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
mujer
esposa
pareja
maestra
amiga
hija
madre
hermana
muerte y viva
sere siempre yo
y asi es
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
To the child that could've been
Dear child,
I write this to promise
I won't let you suffer
I won't selfishly bring you into this world
My world
Dear child,
I think of you when I see a baby
Smiling and laughing
While they hold their mommy's hand
Dear child,
It's not that I wouldn't love you
Or that I don't have anything to offer
I just am not mature or healthy enough
I just don't want you to be like me
Dear child,
I know you'd be beautiful
And bring much happiness
But I can't bare to think
You'd be like me
Crying, dreaming of death
Crying, hating yourself
Crying, stuck in a dream
Feeling alone
in a crowded room
Dear child,
I still will think of you
When I look into children's eyes
When I see clothes, music, movies
Places we could have shared
But it's for your best for
I am struggling
Into this struggle
I chose not to bring you
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 1
Mature content
edges :iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
out
looking out
for ourselves
all alone
no one else
flesh and blood
sometimes not even that
all alone
no one else
scream and shout
no one hears
only destruction
falling pieces
from the sky
black and grey
reaching out
running out
looking out
for a way
tired of this
war
tired of these
bombs
so afraid, so afraid
how could such a rose
be so painful
to hold
full of thorns
is it worth it
am i worth it
looking out
could i do it?
could i stay?
or should i go?
no more pain
golden rule
i can't follow
run away
look away
maybe this time...
looking out...
all alone...
walk alone...
am i alone?
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 1 0
Literature
Tear
give you my all
yet my all is not good enough
what do you see through those eyes?
bright, big, and questioning, they are
what picture of me, of us
that i am not worthy
i tell myself, it'll pass
i tell myself, he's but a child
but words do hurt me
and i step back
i will not be like her
i will not be taken for granted
i will not lay down to be walked on
i must come first before i can sacrifice
ive not much to give without
being left with
nothing
maybe one day you'll understand
this too shall pass
but i sit here, angry, and hurt
angry and confused
angry and betrayed
it cannot be forced
it must not be forced
all i can do is be
me
but i can't be me
when im being pushed back
don't you understand
won't he understand
will he understand
maybe one day they'll understand
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0
Literature
Sola, yo
Me miro en el espejo
Sola, yo
Soy todo
Lo que necesito
Soy la única que
Me entiende
Y yo entiendo
Estoy con otros,
Sonrío,
Sola, yo
Bella, guapa
Delgada, buen cuerpo
Hermosa cara,
En eso sigo
Hago ejercicio
Lloro
Amo
Odio
Como
Compro
Gasto
Uso energí
Bebo
Sola, yo
El vacío
Nadie llena
Solamente, yo puedo
Amo por que me hace sentir bien
Cuido por que me hace sentir bien
Pero lo quiero todo
Ahora, ya
Voy por lo que es mío
En otros puedo contar
Sólo un poco
No seré como mi madre
Me querré más a mí misma
Que a otros
Es la única manera
Y empieza la
transformación
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx
:iconhecatenyxx:hecatenyxx 0 0

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breathing
believing
i can change
seeing
freeing
is this place
seeking
meaning
in this pain
living
dying
before my time
breathing
believing
move forward in line

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i've witnessed beauty
i've experienced love
so intoxicating
can't get enough

all i imagine
does not compare
to what this world offers
can't get enough

i sigh, i smile
this earth so pure
humans, not so much
yet i can't get enough

lovely smiles
dancers, artists, poets
scientists, teachers
this world can't get enough

rich, luscious,
graceful, so perfectly
imperfect, but perfect
i can't get enough

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you say you want to read my mind
i say ignorance is bliss
but you, you're different
come inside, let's hope you don't mind

inside my mind
full of doubts, cobwebs of fear
all has existed, all has died
so tell me now, what's on your mind

for my stories will blow your mind
paradoxes, lies, half truths
shock you, lure you, kick you, will you love me still
after experiencing my naked mind
the lector
mind reader
Loading...
bored to death
of my own design
stare at the wall
anything i do, not worth a dime
talent and passion and will
all of which i lack
walk into this hole, black
will i go back, will this pass
it's up to me to get off my ass
workout, and paint, write, and draw
be useful to one, be as good as all
those who i resent, crave, envy
surrounded by beauty, my soul feels heavy
my heart my soul which i can't reach
alone, we are, i cannot define
my self, from whom i turn and say goodbye
it is meaningful
but i cant see what it is
to be home and free
down down far down
up up way up
sick of this 
just a matter of time
before the hell and depression ends
before dreams and happiness shoot me up in the sky
so high i disappear
nothing is clear
pictures of happy smiles
pictures of families
while i sit here
smile and nod
on the inside
i scream
on the inside
i die

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hecatenyxx
Sirena
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
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:iconfilipap:
FilipaP Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2017  Student Traditional Artist

Hi!
Thank you for the fav on

Goddess of NEPTUNE

I really apreciate the support!
It means a lot!
Feel free to visit my art whenever you want to!

Or you can check out my INSTAGRAM, where I'll be posting WIPs and sketches:
@filipa.p.art

Reply
:iconhugqueen:
HugQueen Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
Thank you ever so much for the favorite. :thanks:
Reply
:iconlisa-im-laerm:
lisa-im-laerm Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconrainbowsheepplz:thanks:iconrainbowsheep2:
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:iconfrancoclun:
francoclun Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Many thanks for adding my drawing to your :+fav: :D
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:iconhecatenyxx:
hecatenyxx Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
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:iconthe-red-tower:
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the new fave!
Reply
:iconkawaiicherryblossom:
KawaiiCherryBlossom Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch! : D
Reply
:iconthe-red-tower:
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch! Oh and the :iconlamaplz:
Reply
:iconcoffeelovescandycorn:
COFFEElovesCANDYCORN Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave
Reply
:iconmarxsdesign:
marxsdesign Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
obrigado pelo favorito
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