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About Varied / Hobbyist SirenaFemale/Unknown Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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moving my things
no personal space
look in the mirror
what a big disgrace
so much ahead of me
laziness overtakes
thoughts of suicide
float in my head
i wasn't meant for this life
of being a wife
knowledge isn't enough
if nothing is done
i know, i know
so quit telling me
as i stare into space
fix, this, fix that
work on us, work on you
if im not good enough to be a mom
why ask me to be a stepmom
barely hanging on
i dont have it bad
no disease, no cancer,
lost my mom once,
she always did say
you'll miss me when i am gone
no heaven or hell
maybe i rather die than live
continously depressed, manic, dragging
never as good as the next person
never good enough
i am just me
i try to be me
i frown, what must she think?
he think?
they think?
false security as a teen
eludes me as i near thirty
feels like i will just be turning fifteen
so easy to reach out to others, smile, kiss
except to the one next to me, and
the one in the mirror
god she irritates me
I return
Same place
New time
Same space
New light

I return
Head held high
Hands open
I've made it mine
This life
It is mine, this time

Losses and gains
Weakness and strength
Lessons learned
Insight earned
I'm not alone, not anymore

Open my eyes
Breathe in
Close my eyes
Let it all out
Feeling emotions
Knocking at my door
Spiders, they crawl
All throughout, and more

I return
Grateful, unchanged
But simply
As I stretch out
I cry, I breathe,
Honor the past
Moving, in love, with love,
Through love
I return

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She walks towards me
Beautiful, voluptuous
Mind sharp as a knife
Voice sweet as honey
Smooth, perfect
Queen of the Others

They all stare at me
In their perfect stature
Statues, statues
Pictures of perfection
Of all I could be
And all that I am not

I am my own worst enemy
They fuel the fire
Unbeknownst to them
For only they matter
I envy them
I fuck up
They're flawless
As they all stare at me

I can't, they can
I won't, they will
I want, they have
I should, they do
Excuses,  reasons
The picture of sickness, the picture of health
The picture of weakness, the picture of will

The Others, they stare
Their Queen, I'd love to fuck
Be inside her
Ride her
Lick her
Use her
Become her
Be her
For eternity

Mature Content

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My life doesn't "suck"
Nor has my heart been broken
I've not been through hell
Except when my mom died
I have a beautiful family
Luck has been at my side
Yet here I sit
And on my mind, is suicide

Selfish, "you're not the only one"
They say
Loved, I am
By all who matter
But myself
I can think of a thousand ways
That I hate myself
A thousand needles
That slowly kill

Not good enough
Never good enough
Too selfish, too self-less
Heart of a child
Brain of a child
Heart on my sleeve
The unimportant matter
The important, I don't see

I'm lazy, unfit
Lack self-discipline
Spoiled brat
In 28 years,
I've practically learned naught
Nasty and sweet
No in between
Cruel and too kind
Easily hurt
Overly sensitive
I drown in my thoughts
Circling circling
I can't make them stop
So happy, I cry
So angry, I want to die

I try to hate all but all that hate
Is only for myself
I don't want to die
I just want to stop caring
To stop all this hate
If only I cared as I cared for others
A look in her eye, a wandering child
Love in my heart,
I look in broken mirrors
Disappointment is all I see
Disappointment stares back at me

Here's my non-suicide note
I can't go through it with it
But maybe if I die inside
Who knows,
Anyway in the end, we all die
Treading lightly, I walk out
Into the World
Into the World
Weary yet willing
Armed, let's go

Sometimes okay
Here I am
Keeping monsters at bay
Keeping monsters at bay
Telling myself, not to walk away

Parsing through thoughts
What does she think?
What would he do?
It's okay,
They are not after you

If you just walk
If you just talk
If you just breathe
It's easy you see
You have all that you need
To keep the monsters at bay
All you have to do is tell them to
Go. Away.
down down far down
up up way up
sick of this 
just a matter of time
before the hell and depression ends
before dreams and happiness shoot me up in the sky
so high i disappear
nothing is clear
pictures of happy smiles
pictures of families
while i sit here
smile and nod
on the inside
i scream
on the inside
i die


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Artist | Hobbyist | Varied

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Add a Comment:
HugQueen Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
Thank you ever so much for the favorite. :thanks:
lisa-im-laerm Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
francoclun Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Many thanks for adding my drawing to your :+fav: :D
hecatenyxx Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the new fave!
KawaiiCherryBlossom Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch! : D
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch! Oh and the :iconlamaplz:
COFFEElovesCANDYCORN Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave
marxsdesign Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
obrigado pelo favorito
hecatenyxx Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
de nada :)

e voce muito talentoso!
Add a Comment: