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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes and strong language)
She walks towards me
Beautiful, voluptuous
Mind sharp as a knife
Voice sweet as honey
Smooth, perfect
Queen of the Others

They all stare at me
In their perfect stature
Statues, statues
Pictures of perfection
Of all I could be
And all that I am not

I am my own worst enemy
They fuel the fire
Unbeknownst to them
For only they matter
I envy them
I fuck up
They're flawless
As they all stare at me

I can't, they can
I won't, they will
I want, they have
I should, they do
Excuses,  reasons
The picture of sickness, the picture of health
The picture of weakness, the picture of will

The Others, they stare
Their Queen, I'd love to fuck
Be inside her
Ride her
Lick her
Use her
Become her
Be her
For eternity
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
My life doesn't "suck"
Nor has my heart been broken
I've not been through hell
Except when my mom died
I have a beautiful family
Luck has been at my side
Yet here I sit
And on my mind, is suicide

Selfish, "you're not the only one"
They say
Loved, I am
By all who matter
But myself
I can think of a thousand ways
That I hate myself
A thousand needles
That slowly kill

Not good enough
Never good enough
Too selfish, too self-less
Heart of a child
Brain of a child
Heart on my sleeve
The unimportant matter
The important, I don't see

I'm lazy, unfit
Lack self-discipline
Spoiled brat
In 28 years,
I've practically learned naught
Nasty and sweet
No in between
Cruel and too kind
Easily hurt
Overly sensitive
I drown in my thoughts
Circling circling
I can't make them stop
So happy, I cry
So angry, I want to die

I try to hate all but all that hate
Is only for myself
I don't want to die
I just want to stop caring
To stop all this hate
If only I cared as I cared for others
A look in her eye, a wandering child
Love in my heart,
I look in broken mirrors
Disappointment is all I see
Disappointment stares back at me

Here's my non-suicide note
I can't go through it with it
But maybe if I die inside
Who knows,
Anyway in the end, we all die
Treading lightly, I walk out
Into the World
Into the World
Weary yet willing
Armed, let's go

Sometimes okay
Here I am
Keeping monsters at bay
Keeping monsters at bay
Telling myself, not to walk away

Parsing through thoughts
Fears,
What does she think?
What would he do?
It's okay,
They are not after you

If you just walk
If you just talk
If you just breathe
It's easy you see
You have all that you need
To keep the monsters at bay
All you have to do is tell them to
just
Go. Away.
asi soy yo
beautiful, sweet,
open and free
y siempre sere
at times moody and
insecure
emotional and
asi soy yo
i will be singing and dancing
joking and laughing
y siempre sere
like a diamond in the rough
unperfect and edgy
yet i purr like a cat
when you love me
and i love you
and fire prevails
if you hate me
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
inquisitive, curious
social, antisocial
a bird in a flock
a puppy
with love in her eyes
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
complex
simple
simply complex
yet simply feel nothing
asi soy yo
y siempre sere
mujer
esposa
pareja
maestra
amiga
hija
madre
hermana
muerte y viva
sere siempre yo
y asi es
asi soy yo, y siempre sere
so many feelings and thoughts at once, this is a reminder that i am who i am, and that's just how it is
my core, but then everything that surrounds it
Loading...
Dear child,

I write this to promise
I won't let you suffer
I won't selfishly bring you into this world
My world

Dear child,

I think of you when I see a baby
Smiling and laughing
While they hold their mommy's hand

Dear child,

It's not that I wouldn't love you
Or that I don't have anything to offer
I just am not mature or healthy enough
I just don't want you to be like me

Dear child,

I know you'd be beautiful
And bring much happiness
But I can't bare to think
You'd be like me
Crying, dreaming of death
Crying, hating yourself
Crying, stuck in a dream
Feeling alone
in a crowded room

Dear child,

I still will think of you
When I look into children's eyes
When I see clothes, music, movies
Places we could have shared
But it's for your best for
I am struggling
Into this struggle
I chose not to bring you
down down far down
up up way up
sick of this 
just a matter of time
before the hell and depression ends
before dreams and happiness shoot me up in the sky
so high i disappear
nothing is clear
pictures of happy smiles
pictures of families
while i sit here
smile and nod
on the inside
i scream
on the inside
i die

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hecatenyxx
Sirena
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Comments


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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
Thank you ever so much for the favorite. :thanks:
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:iconlisa-im-laerm:
lisa-im-laerm Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconrainbowsheepplz:thanks:iconrainbowsheep2:
Reply
:iconfrancoclun:
francoclun Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Many thanks for adding my drawing to your :+fav: :D
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:iconhecatenyxx:
hecatenyxx Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconthe-red-tower:
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the new fave!
Reply
:iconkawaiicherryblossom:
KawaiiCherryBlossom Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch! : D
Reply
:iconthe-red-tower:
The-Red-Tower Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch! Oh and the :iconlamaplz:
Reply
:iconcoffeelovescandycorn:
COFFEElovesCANDYCORN Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave
Reply
:iconmarxsdesign:
marxsdesign Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
obrigado pelo favorito
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:iconhecatenyxx:
hecatenyxx Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
de nada :)

e voce muito talentoso!
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